Q: With last question you pointed me to I have come to see it’s my performative self that believes I'm responsible for maintaining a fiction so others can feel secure.

Is it possible to minimize damage to relationships when this is being deconstructed? I still feel so guilty for changing.

A: You’re asking about minimizing damage, but I think you really want to know whether dismantling the performative self makes you a bad person.

The guilt you feel isn’t evidence you’re doing something wrong. It’s evidence that the identity built around relational management is dissolving.

There’s an assumption here (trained in since early childhood) that the stability of your relationships is something you are responsible for maintaining. That the version of you others rely on is somehow an obligation you took on, and are now breaking. That’s where the guilt is coming from.