Q: Feels like a midlife crisis but I’m only 32. I’ve done so much damage trying to break free of illusion and have so much guilt but I needed to stop living a lie! Why does this have to be so painful?

A: When the structures that once organized your life, (identity, roles, expectations, the story of who you’re supposed to be,) begin to lose credibility, the tension can become intense. You see the performance and the compromises, and how you’ve been living according to scripts that no longer feel true.

At this point many people assume they’re having a m…