Q: so obvious i’m fake everyone everywhere is fake and nothing matters WTF am i supposed to do with that? How exactly do i become real???

A: First things first. Let’s go ahead and shoot the giant elephant in the room so we can see what else is here.

How exactly do you become real? You don’t; that’s the problem. There’s nothing about ‘you’ (the child-self that is asking this question) that can ‘become real’.  Becoming real  assumes there’s someone unreal who can turn into someone real. That’s like asking how a mask can become a face. The premise is false, and no amount of effort can fix it.

All of your efforts to understand, progress, purify, awaken, arrive, etc., are still being done by the thing that has to go. That’s why it doesn’t work. Plain and simple. The false self is an apparatus, an experiencing structure. But Truth isn’t an experience. The experiencing structure can only ever experience experience, and mistaking that for Truth is the root of the problem. (I've seen numerous people have that ‘aha’ moment once they grok this.)

Of course the false self wants a process because a process implies survival. But truth isn’t gained; the false is lost. So if you’re asking “how,” you’re still trying to manage the outcome. You’re still bargaining for some upgraded version of you that gets to continue. Spoiler: That version doesn’t exist.

OK, let’s look past the dead elephant. What else is here?

When it becomes obvious that the self is constructed it’s hard not to see roles, identities, and performances everywhere you look. And the mind often swings to extremes like this. (Everything’s fake. Nothing matters. WTF do I do now?) That reaction is common when the false self loses credibility but hasn’t yet released control.

What you’re asking here is now that I see the self is fake and meaning is fabricated, how do I rebuild a version of myself that feels solid, real, and tolerable again?

Right now you’re likely in active Deconstruction, which is a heavy place to be. The illusions have cracked, and the nervous system is, understandably, scrambling to find footing. When meaning collapses, the child-self panics and reaches for instruction: Tell me what to do. How do I get this right? But the thing to get here is that becoming real isn’t something you do. It’s what happens when you stop performing authenticity. 

The urge to declare “nothing matters” is also a defense. It’s a way to push away the grief, fear, and vulnerability that come with letting the old structure die. Nihilism is a very common last chance grab by the false self as it goes down.

Look, Deconstruction doesn’t mess around. It isn’t gentle, gradual, or polite. It doesn’t negotiate, or preserve what you like or spare what you depend on. Once it’s underway, everything that isn’t real gets put in the fire. That includes identities, beliefs, relationships, hopes, plans, self-images, even the ideas you had about awakening or becoming real.

What’s being dismantled is the machinery that made your life make sense. That machinery is made up of stories you used to orient yourself, who you are, what matters, where this is going. When you cross into active Deconstruction it all stops working all at once. There’s no partial credit here; it all gets incinerated. 

That intensity isn’t a sign you’re doing something wrong; it’s the sign that you’re no longer able to lie to yourself convincingly. People often panic here because they expect insight to bring relief. Instead, insight removes the last remaining supports. The child-self experiences this as annihilation which is why Deconstruction feels existentially unsafe. 

If you stay with the discomfort without turning it into despair or certainty the intensity eventually fades. Not because meaning returns, but because the need for meaning dissolves. (That’s the doorway to the Void.)

When what you think you are is seen as fictional, there’s nothing left to “become.” That’s it.

So, we’ve killed the “how” question when we shot the elephant. The forward moving question is going to be a “who” question:

Who exactly do I believe I am that needs to become real?

Sit there and let the urge to resolve it burn out on its own.